That is my story and it’s a little different than Jason
Collins who graced the cover of Sports Illustrated on May 6th and
said “I’m black. And I’m gay.”
It’s sad that it took this long for him to come out. I wish I had the honor of knowingly supporting
him when he was a Celtic. (If he ever actually made it into a game.) It’s much sadder that his sexuality is even a
concern.
It’s the Fourth of July and we’re approaching the 250th
birthday of our country and we actually have a President who is half black in
the White House.
The first two lines of the second paragraph of the
Declaration of Independence state the following: “We hold these truths to be
self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their
Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and
the pursuit of Happiness.”
Despite the antiquated and sexist language of this wording
(all men and women are created equal) it is absolutely true. So it is troubling that Jason Collins uttered
the following in his interview with SI. “Imagine you're in the oven, baking.
Some of us know and accept our sexuality right away and some need more time to
cook. I should know -- I baked for 33 years.
When I was younger I dated women. I even got engaged. I
thought I had to live a certain way. I thought I needed to marry a woman and
raise kids with her. I kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew
it was blue.
I realized I needed to go public when Joe Kennedy, my old
roommate at Stanford and now a Massachusetts congressman, told me he had just
marched in Boston's 2012 Gay Pride Parade. I'm seldom jealous of others, but
hearing what Joe had done filled me with envy. I was proud of him for
participating but angry that as a closeted gay man I couldn't even cheer my
straight friend on as a spectator.”
Why do some in society play judge and jury when it comes to
who someone loves? Apparently, those of
us who are heterosexual have done such a great job in the game of love we can
dictate to others who are attracted to the same sex.
About 1% of the total number of currently-married or
registered same-sex couples get divorced each year, in comparison to about 2%
of the total number of married straight couples. Note that the percentage of
couples that get divorced eventually is close to 50%, but only 1% or 2% of them
get divorced in any particular year according to the Williams Institute, a
prestigious gay-legal think tank located at the University of California Los
Angeles, Nov 11, 2011.
Unfortunately, I’m among the 2%. But I digress. Think about how many of us get married and
shouldn’t. Then think about how many of
us have kids and absolutely shouldn’t.
In the big picture does it really matter if Bob loves Bill or Mary loves
Jill? Does it really matter if someone has two moms
or two dads? As long as there is love in
the household, everything else is irrelevant.
I’m the proud father of two wonderful daughters. I am truly blessed. If either one of them or both were lesbians I
would not care, nor would I love them any less.
The same would hold true if they were boys and gay, bisexual or
transgender. As long as they were
happy. Isn’t that what’s most important
in life? Happiness and health. Everything else is truly secondary.
A couple of years ago I volunteered at the 100th
anniversary NAACP Gala in Boston and witnessed one of the most powerful things
in my life. A woman who was probably in
her 60’s or 70’s was screaming “in my lifetime” at the end of the African
American National Anthem (yes there is one) when a picture of President Barack
Obama appeared on the screen.
I can’t begin to tell you how or what I felt at that
moment. It was incredible. It was wonderful. It was also very sad. I know for a fact that when she was my daughter’s
age she never, in her wildest dreams could have imagined a person of color
could actually be President. It’s quite
probable her grandparents were slaves.
So you can understand her overwhelming joy.
Hopefully, the LGBT, Latino and Asian community among others
can feel that same joy one day. I’m
probably not going to be around to experience all of the above but hopefully my
daughter’s will be.
I planned on writing this post during June (Pride Month) but
time eluded me. In order to get some
perspective I reached out to someone I really respect who is a diversity expert
in Boston and is gay.
His story was very powerful.
He didn’t play team sports growing up because he was concerned about how
he would be treated. As an adult he fell
in love and married his partner and they started a family. While openly gay and maintaining a high level
position in a Fortune 500 Company for many years another executive in the
company whom he knew for years and got along very well with and respected unexpectedly
told him that homosexuality was a sin and that he didn’t approve of his
lifestyle.
Once the initial shock wore off my friend asked the other
gentleman what he would do if one of his children told him that they were gay
or a lesbian. He told him he would try
to “change them” and if he couldn’t they would no longer be in his life. How sad is that?
A couple years ago I contacted someone on Linked In who was a
scientist from Russia and a lesbian. I
asked her to meet me for a cup of coffee because I wanted to know more about
what her experience was in terms of her sexuality. She told me that when she came out while
living in Russia her family essentially disowned her.
It made me think about the depths and challenges of
diversity. As a white male I have
undeserved privilege. It’s just a fact
that I can do nothing about. It just
is. I then think about people of color,
African Americans, Latino Americans, Asian Americans etc. They don’t always have the same opportunities
as I do. They have worries I never will
have to concern myself with. But they
will always be accepted by their families and friends for being who they
are. That isn’t always the case if you’re
LBGT. I can’t imagine having Sunday
dinner at the Sansone home and telling my family I was gay and my parents
telling me to leave. But that
happens. It doesn’t happen to anyone
else who is simply being who they are!
Just last week CA’s top court approved same sex
marriage. It was legalized in MA in
2003. The number of states approving
same-sex marriage has doubled to 14 since election day 2012 yet thirty-one U.S.
state constitutional amendments ban legal recognition of same-sex unions. Of these, nine make only same-sex marriage
unconstitutional, seventeen make both same-sex marriage and civil unions
unconstitutional. Why?
The end of the Declaration of Independence states “And for
the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of
divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and
our sacred Honor.”
If I could I would like to pledge that Jason Collins could
feel comfortable loving whoever he desires and not have to worry about what
others say or think. Maybe newly hired
Celtics coach Brad Stevens will bring Jason back. That would be real pride!
