What if I were Black? Would that matter?
Or Hispanic or Latino?
I am not an expert on diversity or race relations but it is my passion as a result of a life changing experience. I've twice filed legislation on the subject and have done two Ted Talks.
We are a product of our experiences and environment. We live in a world lacking respect and with too many people thinking they are entitled. We also live in a world that treats people differently. I happen to be a white male and because of that I’m afforded a certain amount of privilege just for what I look like. I can never walk in the shoes of a person of color but my experiences probably help me understand things a little more than most white people.
When I was a teenager I saw several videos and read articles about Boston Celtics legend Bill Russell talking about the discrimination he faced growing up. I subsequently read his books and became saddened, frustrated, angered and inspired.
How could someone be refused entry to a restaurant to have dinner with the rest of his teammates because he was black?
Why would white security guards at the Boston Garden ask him for his id after he had won multiple championships for the team and city?
Why would bigots in Reading break into his house, destroy his trophies and pool table, defecate on his bed and put the N word on his walls?
Why did those same bigots knock over his trash barrels when he was on road trips? When he went to the Reading Police, he was told the “coons” must have done it, as in raccoons. After he asked for a gun permit, the “coons” did not return. (BTW – the Reading Police profiled a black DEA agent while driving through town in 1998 and did the same thing to a friend who is Haitian and lived in Reading in 2008. I had to bail him out and was told he was pulled over for a broken tail light that didn’t exist.)
These awful stories opened my eyes and heart to realize that we live in a world where not everyone is treated the same. Of course the Russell events took place in the sixties but it left an indelible mark. I must note that I definitely feel we’ve made significant progress as a society but still have a long way to go.
In 2005 while I was on a family vacation at the Ft. Lauderdale Sheraton, we were the first family by the pool after a thunderstorm and were soon joined by about 75 others, all of whom happened to be black. It turns out that we were in the middle of a wonderful African American family reunion.
After some time elapsed my daughter Rachel, who was eight at the time, told me she wasn’t comfortable and wanted to go back to the room. We went inside and I asked her if her discomfort was because everyone was black. She shrugged her shoulders and didn’t say anything. I told her it was ok and that she had never been in this situation before and asked her to think about the brother and sister at her school who were the only kids of color. That was their world every day.
I reminded her it didn’t matter what color someone’s skin was or what religion they were as God created everyone equally. I also told her to think about how cool it was for kids meeting cousins they probably didn’t know they had and grown-ups who hadn’t seen their relatives in years. I said let’s go back outside and enjoy the day. So she jumped into the pool and became part of the family playing football and doing what every kid should do, simply having fun.
It was the greatest teaching moment of my life and I knew it happened for a reason and I knew I had to do something about it. It made me think about the other white kids in Stoneham where Rachel lived and how they probably never experienced being a minority while black kids, Hispanic and Latino kids and other minorities live it day in and day out.
Another powerful thing happened that day when I befriended this little boy who was working his way around the side of the pool and several times he let go and went under and a grabbed him. As fate would have it, our families left the pool at the same time, got on the same elevator, and got off at the same floor. His family went left and mine went right. While he was walking away he turned around and yelled “I’ll see you by the pool tomorrow”. I said I was sorry but I was leaving in the morning (on a cruise). He put up his little hand and waved and said “bye friend” and I did the same. It was a moment I will absolutely never forget!
Having been predisposed to being very aware of the sensitivity of race relations, I knew I had to do something with this. It led me on a crusade and I discovered my passion at the age of 40. I realized I would pursue all things diversity related the rest of my life. It led me to attending all kinds of diversity events, whether they were for African Americans, Latinos, Asians, Women, LGBT etc. I began reading as much as I could and networking with people who were experts in the field.
Something amazing happened along the way and it caught me off guard. When I was asked why I was attending a certain event, I simply told my story and the reaction I received was incredible. Some people actually cried, many thanked me and others asked why I decided to act upon things. There were skeptics and detractors as well. But I realized I now had a responsibility as a white male to make sure I told this story and be a voice for people who don’t look like me. It also opened my eyes to white male privilege. Something very real and unfair.
I twice filed legislation on the importance of race relations, diversity and tolerance by renaming a road in Stoneham and Reading. Twice the bill died in committee at the State House as white politicians and citizens were uncomfortable and some angry with what I was doing. Two years in a row I pulled Rachel out of school and we testified at a public hearing at the State House with other friends on the importance of race relations and diversity from a white perspective.
I put articles in the local papers and went on local cable and not everybody wanted to hear what I had to say. I received some hateful racist emails and could see the discomfort and bigotry and ignorance in some people. All this did was further my resolve to make a difference.
One meeting that will always stick out was with the Town of Reading’s Human Advisory Committee, it’s role was to provide advice to the Board of Selectmen on how the community can encourage an environment of tolerance, understanding and harmonious racial, ethnic, religious, cultural and gender relations within the Town and among its citizens, prevent discrimination or the perception of discrimination on the basis of color, age, gender, religion, disability, culture, national origin, ancestry or sexual orientation within the Town or among its inhabitants and enhance its ability to mediate differences arising from the aforesaid relations.
I explained to those in the room (citizens, a selectman and the Chief of Police) that I thought it was important to honor Bill Russell and essentially acknowledge and apologize for a series of wrongs that took place decades ago. Although no one in the room had anything to do with the hatred that took place, I was certain that some of those who committed the hateful and bigoted acts still lived in town.
At that point a selectman said “Bill Russell was a racist!” I told him that Mr. Russell was married to a white woman and I asked him if he had ever been discriminated against, and he said no. I then asked him if he was ever discriminated on sight because of the color of his skin and again he said no. I told him that we had a chance to not only teach our kids in the area about the importance of respecting others who don’t look like us but to improve the image of Reading as it had a poor history when it came to race relations. Needless to say they saw things differently and were uncomfortable or had other opinions about why they would not agree to my legislation.They preferred to keep their head in the sand and not show courage and leadership.
In 2014 a friend who was on a committee for a Ted Talk in Boston at the Isabelle Stewart Gardner Museum suggested I submit a two minute video, so I did and was chosen as a participant. I was given almost 10 minutes to share my story. To my surprise I was chosen as one of two finalists to advance to the Landmark Center in the Fenway for a 2nd Ted Talk. Here are the links if you’re interested.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPD21Ta4prA 14 minutes
My story clearly resonated with people as they would share their experiences, good and bad, mostly bad. Whites, males, females, lesbians, gays, transgendered, blacks, Latinos and Hispanics, Asians, Jews, Muslims, you name it I talked to them and realized that a different world exists.
So I certainly understand why Black Lives Matter was started. I prefer All Lives Matter but I can never experience what it’s like to be black. I also feel that the African American community and communities of color too often play the race card and jumps to conclusions prematurely. This is probably done out of frustration because we live in a social media world that provides 24/7 news and sensationalism and the media salivates over anything involving race as it is a ratings magnet.
Bottom line is we’ve made significant progress since the sixties and hopefully we can continue to come together and civilly discuss how we can improve things for everyone especially those who are marginalized.
I tried to do my small part through a yearly Celtics night. For 13 years, starting when Rachel was in kindergarten at St. Patrick’s in Stoneham I got tickets to a game for kids and parents. What started out as 20 people the first year, exploded to over 200. Since the group was so large, the Celtics let 20 kids play on the parquet floor for 5 minutes either before the game or at halftime. I realized the opportunity to introduce some diversity to my daughters and to the children of Stoneham and always put aside 5 spots for children of color including two spots for children from Boston area homeless shelters. I also opened up the group to people and friends from all backgrounds and when I emailed the group I shared my story about Mr. Russell and how he inspired me growing up.
As far as Mr. Russell is concerned, I was blessed to have met him a couple of times at events he attended and briefly share my story and told him how he inspired me and that the Celtics night, especially the kids playing together, was a tribute to him and that something good actually came out of the shit he had to endure decades ago. He was very appreciative and thanked me and said “through giving we receive strength”. Hopefully we can continue to give and get stronger as a society to improve things for future generations.
